Pokemon: The Honest version
by TheCoon
Summary: ASH: So, basically, there's this guy...and this Pokemon...and they do stuff together.    NOT THAT KIND OF STUFF.     Rated M for obvious bad language, and crude humor. Enjoy.


Hiya Guys! This is my first fan fiction ever, and well...I hope it's good! I was inspired by a fellow fan fic writer to create this parody of Pokemon, and I hope it can go places! Well, stop reading this and enjoy already!

The story begins with a Pokemon Trainer named ASH KETCHUP. Only, he wasn't a Pokemon Trainer, because he lacked a Pokemon to train.

**ASH: **I'm going to be the world's greatest Pokemon Trainer!

**Author: **(Whispers) Red.

**ASH: **What was that?

**AUTHOR: **IGNORE ME.

**ASH:** I wonder what Pokemon I'm going to get tomorrow! Oh, maybe I can get a CHAMRANDER! But, if I do, I'll have trouble with the first two gyms...Maybe a BULBASAUR! I can at least get past the first two Gyms!

**AUTHOR: **What about SQUIRTLE?

Before ASH could talk about how much SQUIRTLE sucks balls, he fell into a deep sleep.

**ASH'S MOM: **(Blows dartgun) That ought to do the trick.

ASH wakes up to find that he had smashed his ALARM CLOCK. The AUTHOR has to wonder what Ash was dreaming abou-Oh yeah. Pokemon.

**ASH:** HULK SMAAASH.

He looked at the time that was on his now broken clock, and saw that he overslept.

**ASH: **Oh no! I overslept! I sure hope Professor Oak still has a perfectly good Pokemon waiting for me!

ASH ran out of his house, ignoring the fact that he was still in his pajamas.

**RANDOM PERSON: **Hey, kid! Put some clothes on!

**ASH:** (Is still running) Fuck you!

**RANDOM PERSON: **Ohoho. Kids.

ASH arrives at PROFFESOR OAK'S lab to find that there are no Pokemon available. GARY MOTHERFUCKING OAK'S GIRTH arrives at the scene, and makes a big deal that he now has a Pokemon. There is a huge party in celebration for the fact that GARY OAK is going to leave for a journey all by himself, _despite being freaking 10 years old_. GARY leaves with his BITCHES on a red convertible, and leaves ASH in the dust.

**GARY:** Smell ya later, Ash!

That later becomes his catchphrase. FOR LIFE.

**ASH: **Wait, how is Gary able to drive a car when he just turned 10? Aren't there laws in this town that prohibit underage driving?

**PROFESSOR OAK: **Ash, there are only like, 10 people in this town. So quit your bitching and get a Pokemon already.

ASH looked around and found no Pokemon.

**ASH: **Professor, there aren't any Pokemon here...

**PROFESSOR OAK:** I CAN READ, YOU KNOW. Anyway, you came late, so I don't have any Pokemon for you. So go now.

**ASH:** Are you sure? (Looks around and finds a Pokeball) How about this one?

**PROFESSOR OAK:** What's that? I don't see anything.

**ASH:** But it's a Pokeball. Pokemon are inside Pokeballs.

**PROFESSOR OAK:** I have no idea what you're talking about.

**ASH:** JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN POKEMON ALREADY.

**PROFESSOR OAK: **Okay, okay! I have to warn you though, this Pokemon was recently caught in the wild. It's not tame yet.

**ASH:** And I care why?

PROFESSOR OAK heaved a sigh and released the Pokemon PIKACHU from the Pokeball.

**ASH:** Oh, it's so cute!

**PIKACHU:**I will rape you in your sleep.

Unfortunately for PIKACHU, it doesn't speak human language, so the only thing ASH heard was "Pika Pikachu!"

ASH picks up PIKACHU, which wasn't a particularly good idea.

**ASH: **Hello, my name is ASH!

**PIKACHU:** GET AWAY FROM ME OR YOU DIE.

PIKACHU shocks ASH with a massive bolt of electricity.

**PROFESSOR OAK: **Aww, it likes you!

**ASH: **IT FUCKING SHOCKED ME. WHY AM I STILL ALIVE AFTER THAT HAPPENED TO ME!

**PROFESSOR OAK: **Oh, shut up and go on your long journey already.

**ASH:** ...Okay.

ASH went outside with PIKACHU reluctantly following him. A small parade of only two people were outside to welcome ASH.

**ASH:** No fair, Gary gets ten people to see him off, and I only get two!

**ASH'S MOM: **Ashy! (Hands him a huge backpack) I packed your underwear, your money, some Potions, vibrators, and...Useless junk like your toothbrush and medicine, that if you don't take, you'll seizure to death.

**ASH:** ...Thank you Mom. (Faces towards Pikachu) Okay buddy, we're off on a long and probably dangerous journey!

**PIKACHU: **White boy be trippin' say what?

**ASH:** LET'S DO THIS. Now...get in your Pokeball, Pikachu. (Throws ball at Pikachu)

**PIKACHU:** NO! (Swats it back)

**ASH: **Get in the ball, Pikachu! (throws it back)

**PIKACHU:** MAKE ME. (Swats it back)

**ASH'S MOM:** Aw, look! They're playing catch!

_**Twenty minutes of DODGING later! **_

**ASH:** FINE, LET'S JUST GO ALREADY.

ASH took two steps forward and found himself at RT. 1. Dozens of RATATTAS and PIDGEYS walked about on the grass, eager to be caught by a trainer and to be used as a HM SLAVE.

**ASH:** (Points at a stray PIDGEY) I'm going to capture that one!

Suddenly, ASH's back pocket started vibrating immensely.

**ASH:** Dammit Mom, I told you I don't need the vibrato...Wait, what is this?

ASH found himself face to hand with DEXTER, the POKEDEX.

**DEXTER:** That thar's a Pidgey.

**ASH:** No shit, since the only thing it's saying is "Pidgey, PIIIDGEY". Oh well, no need for arguing with a man made device, might as well try to capture it.

ASH got a Pokeball from behind him and threw it at the PIDGEY. The PIDGEY disappeared in a red light, and into the Pokeball. It shook for a few seconds, and then it came out of the Pokeball and flew away.

**DEXTER:** You have to weaken it first with an attack.

**ASH: **I know that now, smartass.

While ASH was arguing with DEXTER, PIKACHU was chilling out, maxing, and relaxing all cool and out eating some berries right off a tree. When a couple of SPEAROWS, they were up to no good, started making trouble in its neighborhood. It got in one little fight, and they all got scared, and said "We're going to peck your eyes out and you both will be screwed."

**ASH:** What was that last part?

The SPEAROWS formed a furious swarm over ASH and PIKACHU, and started pecking them furiously. PIKACHU tried to fight back, but was too lazy to, and got injured.

**ASH:** HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP.

But, before the ELITE BEAT AGENTS could come to save the day, PIKACHU suddenly gained like, 40 levels and used THUNDER on all of the SPEAROWS, causing them to faint. Oh, and it was raining.

**ASH: **You did it buddy. Good job.

**PIKACHU:** Shut. Up.

PIKACHU then proceeded to lick ASH, but that was only to get its scent on him. He was its bitch now.

A young girl with a bike came, but she was unimportant, and ASH stole her bicycle and put PIKACHU in the basket.

**ASH:** Hang tight Pikachu, we're on our way to a Pokemon Center!

END OF CHAPTER ONE.

**AUTHOR:** So? Didja like it? I didn't quite know how to go about this at first. I didn't know whether to parody the game or the anime, so I'll be doing BOTH. Rate and review, I guess.

**ASH:** BUT WHAT ABOUT PIKACHU!

**PIKACHU:** GOD DAMMIT.

**AUTHOR:** Next chapter, I'll continue this. Jeez. It will still follow the anime...For now.


End file.
